


The One With Lavar

by jademark



Series: Given Prompts [7]
Category: Friends (TV)
Genre: Chocolate, Crack, Merging, Nudity, creepy conscience, friend amalgam, i keep forgetting that tag even though it's the most important, rachel's weird exes, road signs, we were on a break
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:01:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21777202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jademark/pseuds/jademark
Summary: "Rachel's Ex Boyfriend Lavar From Tasmania Comes to America to Spread Nudity and his Love for Tiny Chocolates that are Shaped like Road Signs but Rachel Cannot Act Fast Enough and Before She Knows It, All Her Friends Merge and Become Her Creepy Conscience Which Tells Her How She Needs to Go to the Bathroom and How She Needs to Date her Exes"
Series: Given Prompts [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1599073
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	The One With Lavar

**Author's Note:**

> My sister gave me this prompt despite not having watched any episodes of Friends or being familiar with the characters.

“Guess who I just got off the phone with,” Rachel turned to Monica. 

“Who?” Monica asked. 

“Lavar.” 

“Lavar…” Monica knit her eyebrows. “Oh, him? Weird. Why?”

“Uh, he said he’s moving to New York and he wanted to get coffee with me, since he doesn’t know anyone here.”   
“Uh... Okay? How do you feel about that?” Monica said.

“Well, at first it was a hard pass. But then I thought about it and I figured, I don’t think it would be super awkward at this point. And this is a huge city to navigate, so I guess it helps to know someone.”

* * *

Sometime later, Rachel returned from the airport. “Well, Lavar officially got settled in his apartment,” she said, leaning against the closed door. “I guess we’ll be seeing him around more often. It’s going to be kind of weird.” 

“Well I still doubt you’re going to run into him. But hey, maybe it won’t be that bad,” Monica said. 

“Hmm, maybe you’re right. And… Ew, is that… Ugly Naked Guy with a girl?” Rachel said, rushing over to the window. Monica joined her. 

“Gross!” Rachel shouted. “They’re both naked!”

“Well, I guess they’re a good match,” Monica said. 

* * *

Rachel joined Phoebe, Joey, and Monica at Central Perk. “Boy, what a day,” she said, plopping onto the couch. 

“I’ll say,” Phoebe said, sipping her coffee. “I thought one of my clients was naked today, but it turned out, their outfit was the same color as their skin.”

“Oh,” Rachel said, pausing. “Well, today I visited Lavar and it was… A lot more awkward than I expected.”

“Why? What happened?” Monica asked.

“I asked him about what he was doing now, and he said he moved from Australia to America for two reasons: he wanted to make tiny chocolates that are shaped like road signs, and he wanted to, in his words, ‘spread nudity.’” Rachel made air quotes. “He wants, just everyone to be naked.”

“Sounds like my kind of guy,” Joey said.

“No, Joey,” Rachel turned to him, “It was appalling… He’s kind of a pervert. This was why I broke up with him, but he wasn’t even this weird back in the day. I regret giving him my number.” 

“Hey, I beg to differ,” Joey said.

“Oh, really? Well, you’re going to see  _ everyone _ naked, not just hot girls. Do you really want that?”

Joey thought for a moment. “Well, no. But the chocolate sounds nice,” he grinned.

Rachel groaned. “Well, here, he actually gave me a box of samples,” she said, pulling a white box out of her purse. 

“Knowing what we know now, I wouldn’t touch any food from him,” Monica said, but Joey grabbed the box and pulled out a milk chocolate Stay In Lane sign. “Oh, yeah,” he nodded at the girls before biting into it. “I love this guy.”

Rachel rolled her eyes. “Alright, well…” Her expression shifted to one of horror when she glanced in the direction of the window, but then rapidly glanced back at her friends. Monica and Phoebe glanced outside too and gasped. 

“Oh no, it’s happening already!” Phoebe shouted. “Oh wait, that’s just my client from earlier.” 

Rachel rested a hand over her heart. “Okay. Well, Monica, you know how to block numbers, right?” 

“Sure do,” she said. “And don’t worry, hon, we’ll find a way to forget all about Lavar. It’s a huge city.” 

“Thank you,” Rachel said, appearing to be on the verge of tears. Joey chuckled, and all three girls glanced at him as he shoved a stop sign into his mouth.

“Hey, maybe nudism is just an Australian custom,” Monica suggested on their way back to the apartment. 

“I wouldn’t know. But still. Gross,” Rachel replied, walking up the steps. 

Joey and Phoebe walked in, followed by Ross and Chandler. 

“Game night! Want me to make some popcorn?” Ross asked.

“Oh… I forgot all about that,” Rachel said.

“I didn’t. You’re all pretty early,” Monica said. “You know it’s rude to come to a party earlier than expected.” 

“Oh God,” Phoebe said, her face rigid. “Ugly Naked Guy is having a party, too.” 

They all rushed to the window. Monica and Rachel exchanged glances, but Monica shook her head. “This doesn’t mean…” 

“Someone’s got to do something. Like call and tell him to use his blinds,” Ross said. 

“It looks like Lavar’s influence is spreading,” Phoebe said. Joey squinted, trying to get a closer look. 

“Okay, now we can’t say that,” Rachel said, backing up. Then in a flash of light, everyone but Rachel merged into an amalgam. 

“Rachel,” the Friend boomed. 

“Y… Yes?” Rachel quivered, half-hiding behind the couch.

“Don’t worry. This is just your conscience. Rachel, we have some suggestions for you.” 

“Guys? Guys, I’m sorry! Whatever I did! Please stop!”

“First, I will tell you how you need to go to the bathroom differently. Make sure you don’t try to flush tampons down the toilet. I know that was you.”

“Okay,  _ Monica _ ,” Rachel snarled. 

“Next, you must choose your boyfriends more wisely. Stop going out with weird men just because they’re attractive.” 

“O… Okay,” Rachel said, her head barely visible from behind the couch. 

“Now, one more thing. When you want to break up with someone, be more clear whether it is official or if you are on a break…”

“Okay,  _ Ross _ !” Rachel shouted. “Fine! Are you all done yet?”

In a flash of light, the Friend separated back into the individual friends. 

“I have no memory of the past minute,” Phoebe wiped her brow. 

Rachel peeked over the couch, and slowly emerged. 

“What happened?” Chandler asked. 

“I don’t know. I don’t know. Please don’t ask me any more questions,” Rachel said, shaking. 

“Okay?” Monica raised an eyebrow. “Well, let’s go watch the game and forget about Ugly Naked Guy. I’ll bring out the snacks.”

“Okay. While you’re at it, please teach me how to block numbers again.”


End file.
